Strokes all around me
Main symptom: Aphasia
Hits HEAR reports, too!

So I was recently reading through some updated protocols at one of the agencies I work for, and came across this gem:

I can just see the event that prompted THIS contraindication to be included.

"I drilled and drilled and drilled, but I just couldn't get access!"

                -or-

"I felt the pop right away, and the flow was great!  But the saline just flowed right out of the guys' foot..."

Again inspired by AD, this motivational poster decries poor grammar, spelling, and the inappropriate use of medical terminology.

http://disqus.com/forums/ambulancedriverfiles/paraglyphics_and_ems_pidgin/trackback/

Due to the global war on terrorism, many terrorist organizations have had their finances frozen. Consequently, they have resorted to counterfeiting. 

The Canadians have decided to redesign their currency to prevent the radical Muslim terrorists from even touching it!  It is also hoped that this will have a positive effect on tourism.  Perhaps America and Europe should consider changing their currencies too. 

Muslim terrorists have to kill themselves if they see a naked woman. Those Canadians always find the solution!  Must be the pure water up there in the North! 

Thanks, Janae!

So the other day I had the opportunity to converse with another medical professional.  We happened to be discussing the role of Tamiflu in treating an ongoing episode of the flu, swine or otherwise.

I mentioned that felt it would be of use in alleviating and shortening (my exact words) the symptoms of said flu.

"Oh!  Now, I don't want you to get the wrong idea.  This medicine will not get rid of the symptoms, it will only lessen them."

Uh, OK. 

From Tabors Medical Cyclopedia:  Alleviate.  - To lessen the affect of.

From Dictionary.com:  al⋅le⋅vi⋅ate  /əˈliviˌeɪt/ –verb (used with object), -at⋅ed, -at⋅ing.

Nowhere does it say anything about complete eradication.   

And at the risk of seriously pissing off the wonderful woman I live with, I will identify this person I was speaking to as a nurse.  On a nurse advise line. 

I'm not picking on nurses.  I pick on doctors and paramedics, too.   At least those who say/do stupid things.

Thanks to AD for the newest Word That Should Be In The EMS Dictionary, But Isn't

"So, what's the difference between V-Tach & Pulseless V-Tach?"

"You mean you can use the small handle on the big laryngoscope blades?  What about the other way around?"

"All you have is Succinylcholine?  Can't we use Anectine?  My last department used Anectine..."

"Who's Eric Clapton?"

"OMG!  I'veNeverSeenThisBefore!  OMG!  GetHimInTheRig!"

"Mary!  What's your name, Mary?"

Just after I asked the driver to not put on his/her exam gloves while simultaneously driving Code-3/RLS:

"Oh, it's OK.  We practice this all the time"

"Dispatch, was he on foot or was he walking?"

"I see on your paperwork that you have a congenital heart defect.  How long have you had that?"

"Dispatch, Command is dissolving..."

"We've got a 32 y.o. female with a chief complaint of cervix pain.  We've applied a collar and have the pt. immobilized."

And the response?  "Copy, but we're kinda wondering how you got a collar around that..."

"Patient is a 189 y.o. female in her 4th trimester..."